“If the president in power can just jail his political opponents, which is what Joe Biden is trying to do tonight, we don’t have a republic anymore. We don’t have the rule of law. We don’t have the Constitution.” — Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) Nothing like a federal grand jury issuing an indictment to suggest that we no longer have a justice system! If Donald Trump tosses a ball into the air and instead of ascending upwards and upwards forever, it falls to the floor, we don’t have gravity anymore. If Donald Trump walks outside when it is raining and the rain falls on him instead of just...…“If the president in power can just jail his political opponents, which is what Joe Biden is trying to do tonight, we don’t have a republic anymore. We don’t have the rule of law. We don’t have the Constitution.” — Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) Nothing like a federal grand jury issuing an indictment to suggest that we no longer have a justice system! If Donald Trump tosses a ball into the air and instead of ascending upwards and upwards forever, it falls to the floor, we don’t have gravity anymore. If Donald Trump walks outside when it is raining and the rain falls on him instead of just...WW…

This article was published more than 2 years agoCommentGift Share“What is the crime exactly that you’re accusing him of?” “You know what the crime is. The crime is very obvious to everybody. All you have to do is read the newspapers, except yours.” — President Trump responding to Washington Post reporter Philip RuckerObamagate began long ago, long before Trump even got elected, before he even knew he was running. It began before America, before time, in those early days when President Barack Obama lit the furnace of the sun, just before he fixed the paths of the planets in such a way...…This article was published more than 2 years agoCommentGift Share“What is the crime exactly that you’re accusing him of?” “You know what the crime is. The crime is very obvious to everybody. All you have to do is read the newspapers, except yours.” — President Trump responding to Washington Post reporter Philip RuckerObamagate began long ago, long before Trump even got elected, before he even knew he was running. It began before America, before time, in those early days when President Barack Obama lit the furnace of the sun, just before he fixed the paths of the planets in such a way...WW…

Listen4 minCommentGift Share“Politics, regardless of your side or views, should not trample the freedom at play of the right to congregate and eat dinner. There is a time and place for everything. Disturbing the dinner of all of our customers was an act of selfishness and void of decency.” — Statement from Morton’s, after protesters gathered outside the D.C. steakhouse while Supreme Court Justice Oh, this is embarrassing! The right to congregate and eat dinner is actually not to be found anywhere in the Constitution. I have been studying the Constitution very carefully, including the...…Listen4 minCommentGift Share“Politics, regardless of your side or views, should not trample the freedom at play of the right to congregate and eat dinner. There is a time and place for everything. Disturbing the dinner of all of our customers was an act of selfishness and void of decency.” — Statement from Morton’s, after protesters gathered outside the D.C. steakhouse while Supreme Court Justice Oh, this is embarrassing! The right to congregate and eat dinner is actually not to be found anywhere in the Constitution. I have been studying the Constitution very carefully, including the...WW…

Among the documents to emerge from the trial of Theranos founder and noted turtleneck aficionado Elizabeth Holmes is a handwritten, Whatever you think about Holmes — — she was very successful for a brief time, at least at going up to people such as Henry Kissinger and getting them to hand her large sums of money. I thought this would be a useful skill to acquire, and maybe her schedule would help. So Friday morning I set out to replicate what Holmes apparently thought was a productive start to the day.I scramble to turn off my alarm. I have two goals this morning: replicate Elizabeth...…Among the documents to emerge from the trial of Theranos founder and noted turtleneck aficionado Elizabeth Holmes is a handwritten, Whatever you think about Holmes — — she was very successful for a brief time, at least at going up to people such as Henry Kissinger and getting them to hand her large sums of money. I thought this would be a useful skill to acquire, and maybe her schedule would help. So Friday morning I set out to replicate what Holmes apparently thought was a productive start to the day.I scramble to turn off my alarm. I have two goals this morning: replicate Elizabeth...WW…

This article was published more than 1 year agoCommentGift ShareGiven how inaccurate initial police accounts of officer-involved incidents , it might perhaps be a good time to rethink the practice of running police blotter stories as though they are statements of fact. But then again, it might not be. Maybe we should do it for more things. It would have been a lot easier to just handle other horrific stories this way instead. Such as:Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle”Everyone who works in the meatpacking industry here in Chicago just loves it! No one has ever been hurt working in this safe,...…This article was published more than 1 year agoCommentGift ShareGiven how inaccurate initial police accounts of officer-involved incidents , it might perhaps be a good time to rethink the practice of running police blotter stories as though they are statements of fact. But then again, it might not be. Maybe we should do it for more things. It would have been a lot easier to just handle other horrific stories this way instead. Such as:Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle”Everyone who works in the meatpacking industry here in Chicago just loves it! No one has ever been hurt working in this safe,...WW…

This article was published more than 1 year agoCommentGift ShareMitch McConnell looked at his handiwork and smiled.It had been a corporation, but now it was finally a person. He couldn’t wait to meet it. He knew that it loved to give him money (it was this that had suggested to him that it might be worthy of personhood in the first place), but he was sure it would develop all kinds of fascinating interests of its own.Maybe it would enjoy obstructing Senate business, as he did. Or he might be able to teach it to play catch, or to laugh very idiosyncratically in a laugh comprised of a...…This article was published more than 1 year agoCommentGift ShareMitch McConnell looked at his handiwork and smiled.It had been a corporation, but now it was finally a person. He couldn’t wait to meet it. He knew that it loved to give him money (it was this that had suggested to him that it might be worthy of personhood in the first place), but he was sure it would develop all kinds of fascinating interests of its own.Maybe it would enjoy obstructing Senate business, as he did. Or he might be able to teach it to play catch, or to laugh very idiosyncratically in a laugh comprised of a...WW…

This article was published more than 8 years agoGift ShareWhen Joe arrives, everyone he knows (Jill, Barack, Michelle, Sasha and Malia, John (Kerry), John (McCain) and several women he recognizes only from having told them, once, in passing “No dates ’til you’re 30!”) is already sitting in his office in a semicircle of folding chairs. He blinks once or twice, startled.“Where’s the yogurt bar?” he asks. “TCBY, with all the fixins. The e-mail said. Sprinkles!”“Joe,” President Obama says, as gently as he can, “there is no yogurt bar.”Joe sits down on a folding chair. His is, oddly enough,...…This article was published more than 8 years agoGift ShareWhen Joe arrives, everyone he knows (Jill, Barack, Michelle, Sasha and Malia, John (Kerry), John (McCain) and several women he recognizes only from having told them, once, in passing “No dates ’til you’re 30!”) is already sitting in his office in a semicircle of folding chairs. He blinks once or twice, startled.“Where’s the yogurt bar?” he asks. “TCBY, with all the fixins. The e-mail said. Sprinkles!”“Joe,” President Obama says, as gently as he can, “there is no yogurt bar.”Joe sits down on a folding chair. His is, oddly enough,...WW…

This article was published more than 2 years agoCommentGift ShareHi! I’m Rudy Giuliani! Have you been injured in an election? Do you think you should be president, but due to an unexpected setback, you’ve wound up short by thousands of votes in key states? Hire me, and you will get the settlement you deserve! And I mean the settlement you deserve!I put the “personal injury” in “personal injury lawyer”! Most lawyers are chasing after the ambulance, and not the reverse, but I guarantee that if you have not already suffered a strange injury, I WILL inflict one on your case, through my...…This article was published more than 2 years agoCommentGift ShareHi! I’m Rudy Giuliani! Have you been injured in an election? Do you think you should be president, but due to an unexpected setback, you’ve wound up short by thousands of votes in key states? Hire me, and you will get the settlement you deserve! And I mean the settlement you deserve!I put the “personal injury” in “personal injury lawyer”! Most lawyers are chasing after the ambulance, and not the reverse, but I guarantee that if you have not already suffered a strange injury, I WILL inflict one on your case, through my...WW…