Name: Do You Feel Bad About Yourself Because You're Divorced?
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Do You Feel Bad About Yourself Because You're Divorced?

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If getting divorced makes you feel like a failure, you’re not alone. Some of us feel so bad about ourselves after a divorce, we can’t even say the word “divorce.”I grew up in the 70s, when being the product of a “broken home” was something to be ashamed of. Things are a lot different now, but I still feel bad about divorce! Growing up in the church doesn’t help. In fact, being a Christian makes many people feel even worse about getting divorced – which is why I wrote What Does Jesus Say About Divorced Christians and Remarriage?If you feel bad about yourself because you’re divorced – or if you’re considering a divorce – you’ll find comfort and support here. The most important thing to learn is to separate your divorce from your self-identity. Being divorced isn’t a personal reflection of who you are as a person (or even as a Christian!). Look at it this way: some married couples stay together just because they don’t want to be divorced. They’d rather live unhappily for 50 years than deal with the bad feelings that often accompany being a divorced person. If you’re strong enough to go through a divorce because you want to be authentic and true to yourself than live a sham, then you have nothing to feel bad about!Getting divorced is a very difficult, sad, and real part of life. If you want to stop feeling bad about yourself, it’s important to look at divorce as something that happens. Period. Divorce happens, and you can’t take it personally.If you take your divorce personally, you’ll feel bad about yourself.When you take a divorce personally, you believe your marriage ended because something was wrong with you. Maybe you feel unworthy, ashamed, unlovable, unhealthy, or stupid. Divorcing feels personal when you let it change how you see yourself—especially if you see your divorce as a proof that you’re a bad person.Family situations don’t have to involve divorce to make us feel bad about ourselves. For example, I took it personally when my sister stopped talking to me. I thought her decision made me a horrible sister who didn’t deserve love. I believed she was right to cut me out of her life. It was all my fault. That was the worst “divorce” I’ve ever been through. After all, if your own sister doesn’t love you, who will?Letting go of my sister was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but it taught me something important: a broken relationship doesn’t mean you’re a failure.Getting a divorce doesn’t make you a bad person. As hard as it is to believe, when a divorce isn’t actually about you.&nbsp;Sure, your words and actions affected your marriage. What you said and did (or didn’t say or do) may even have contributed to the breakdown of your marriage and the divorce. But even if you blame and feel bad about yourself for getting divorced, you weren’t the only person in your marriage.When you get divorced, you’ve come to an end point in your marriage. It’s not about you personally – nor is it about your partner. The end of a relationship isn’t a sign of who you are as a person right now. This means you need not feel bad about getting a divorce.&nbsp;Coping with divorce is painful enough. Don’t add to your burden by allowing yourself to feel bad about getting divorced.When my sister stopped talking to me, I saw a psychologist. She helped me see how our childhood affected us (my sister and I had a schizophrenic mom and were raised in foster homes). The psychologist explained how my choice to live in Africa for three years may have impacted my sister, and helped me feel less bad about myself.&nbsp;My sister’s decision to leave our relationship set the stage for my future losses. Now I know that feeling bad about myself because I’m divorced isn’t right, healthy, or true. I couldn’t have reached this point without talking to my psychologist and reframing how I see loss.“Letting go without closure is extremely difficult to do on one’s own,” says counselor Sharon O’Neill. “Many people need a therapeutic environment to gain closure, especially when a marriage has been lengthy and there were dreams of a life together.”My psychologist taught me the emotional reasons people leave relationships. I found clarity and guidance, which my friends and family couldn’t give me. My psychologist helped me see things I couldn’t see on my own, which is helping me now. Sometimes I do feel bad about myself for getting divorced, and I just have to work through it.If your divorce makes you feel bad about yourself, look for ways to heal.In Living Alone After a Long Marriage: 5 Tips for Separated or Divorced Women, I share how I’m adjusting to the solo life after 16 years of marriage.My psychologist helped me see the cognitive and emotional reasons my sister stopped talking to me, but she didn’t change how I saw myself. I knew intellectually that I needed to learn how to stop feeling bad about myself, but I didn’t know how to apply that knowledge.What really helped was finding my deep inner soul, spirit, or presence. Christians might call it “the peace that passes all understanding.” I bet you’ve felt it! It’s when your heart swells with love and joy, peace and calm, beauty and love. You’re feel connected to the universe. Everything is just so beautiful and good.Truly, if you feel bad about yourself because you’re divorced, the best tip is to ground yourself spiritually. This means different things to different people.What does it mean to you?&nbsp;If you’re separated or still married and think you’ll feel bad about yourself if you get divorced, read Will You Regret the Divorce?&nbsp;How to Make the Right Decision.Letting Go of Someone You Love: Practical Tips for Healing Your Heart is the ebook I wrote when I went through a devastating breakup. I interviewed counselors, life coaches and grief coaches, and included their most helpful advice.&nbsp;Letting go means loosening unhealthy attachments to the past. Letting go is about getting stronger, healing your heart, and moving forward. You’ll be encouraged by the practical tips, inspiring insights, and touching stories of loss and healing. This ebook will help you start over with strength, faith and joy.&nbsp;Letting Go of Someone You Love&nbsp;will help you move forward into a fresh new season of life. You’ll find healing, peace and freedom, and start to feel better about yourself—and your life—again.Are you in the midst of a legal separation and divorce? Read How to Stay Emotionally Strong During the Divorce Process. * My situation is the opposite. I remarried someone I divorced in 2014. Big mistake and I don’t have the money to leave and move on right now. However I am 67 and looking for part-time work . Looking to undo the mistake. It’s a long story how this situation occurred. I have found your stories truthful and uplifting.I'm Laurie, creator of She Blossoms on YouTube and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. About me. PopularNewNomad, I know it is complicated with our ex-MM and they lead us to feel a mix of emotions, even…Felk, LTW Thank you for being there and not giving up on me. Since I’ve blocked his 3 numbers on…Thank you for writing this. I know I couldn't be alone in my feelings. My husband tells me that my…I'm struggling with this so bad. What is the point of having a desire in the first place, if we're…Nomad, first, I won't give up on you. :-) Second, it sounds like him coming back into your life over…I want to moveon for what my husband do me hurtfulNomad, I laughed when I read your comment about Fatal Attraction. I'm happy for you that you've got some trips…

If getting divorced makes you feel like a failure, you’re not alone. Some of us feel so bad about ourselves after a divorce, we can’t even say the word “divorce.”I grew up in the 70s, when being the product of a “broken home” was something to be ashamed of. Things are a lot different now, but I still feel bad about divorce! Growing up in the church doesn’t help. In fact, being a Christian makes many people feel even worse about getting divorced – which is why I wrote What Does Jesus Say About Divorced Christians and Remarriage?If you feel bad about yourself because you’re divorced – or if...

Do You Feel Bad About Yourself Because You're Divorced?

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