Name: Colbert: The Afghanistan war is so old it can't even date Matt Gaetz
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Colbert: The Afghanistan war is so old it can't even date Matt Gaetz

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--Stephen Colbert said that for a moment he was hoping there would be a sex tape of Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), but he said that he would have to carve his eyes out with a grapefruit spoon. Beginning with the news about the end to the Afghan War, Colbert noted that it's gone, the war is so old, that it's too old to date Matt Gaetz. The host began his segment "Gaetz-Gaete" by mocking the suburban Orlando gated communities Gaetz would have the infamous parties. "Is Matt Gaetz a congressman or a high school senior?" asked Colbert. "You gotta come to my house after prom! Mark's brother got us the good stuff. We're talkin' raspberry Mike's hard, a premium box of chardonnay with a bird on it, and a beer that can only be described as Milwaukee's 'best.'" The women who attended the party spoke to CNN, saying that they were asked to put away their cell phones to prevent the escapades from being documented. "To which the women replied, 'It's sex with Matt Gaetz. Neither do we,'" the host joked. "One attendee said that Gaetz acted like a frat-type of party boy. What frat would that be? Ima tappa minah? Beta getta lawya? Gonna go-ta jail-a? She also reported that Gaetz was taking pills she believed were recreational drugs. And partygoers say they shared drugs like cocaine and ecstasy, and some had sex, adding that Gaetz liked to discuss politics. Wow, how did the girls like that? 'Wow, congressman. That's a long story. Mark Meadows did what? And then what did Jim Jordan say? Oh, God, what was the safe word? Pumpkin patch! pumpkin patch!"See the Colbert mockery below:Report typos and corrections to: .There were false alarms of school shootings in at least three different states on Tuesday, resulting in heavy police responses and terrifying student, school staff, and their parents."Police confirm everyone is safe after Waco High School was placed on lockdown Tuesday afternoon after a report of a shooting inside a classroom that turned out to be part of a statewide hoax," KWTX-TV in Texas.The Houston Chronicle , "Police and panicked parents scrambled to Heights High School Tuesday afternoon, in frantic response to a false report that a gunman had shot 10 people in a room on the 2,400-student Houston ISD campus. The school went into lockdown around 1 p.m., and police officers found the room locked and immediately breached the door, according to Chief Troy Finner."And it Austin, KXAN-TV , "Connally High School’s campus was temporarily put on hold Tuesday after police got a report of a shooter on campus. Police investigated the threat and determined that it was a false report. Other campuses in Texas also received false reports of threats on Tuesday, including three in Houston and one in Waco. All of the threats were found to be not credible."And it wasn't just in Texas."Officers are on scene at Tucson High School investigating a report of a shooting," the Tucson Police Department . "Officers have diligently checked the campus, classrooms, and surrounding area. No evidence of a shooting has been found.""All indications are this was a false report, and we are working with school staff to locate the source," Tucson Police .There also were also false alarms in California."Madera police are investigating a false emergency call that forced three Madera Unified schools into lockdown," KFSN-TV . "The call led police to put Nishimoto Elementary, Jack G. Desmond Middle School and Matilda High School on lockdown.""After the principal announced their Hollywood High School campus was going on lockdown Tuesday morning, Jaila Counts, a junior, and her 20 ballet classmates ran to a nearby closet, where they sat cramped for the next hour, crying silently as they waited for answers," the Los Angeles Times . "Her family began calling and texting. She called her mother, Jillian Counts-Odusanya, who could hear screaming and crying in the background."LAPD reportedly received a false call from an active shooter and six victims."Over the next hour, police determined that the report was a hoax and the campus was safe, but not before prompting confusion and concern from students and parents. Earlier, LAPD and school police officers entered the campus with guns drawn, searching for any victims or suspects," the newspaper reported. "But when police encountered school staff, instead of pointing them toward any emergency, the staff members met officers with puzzled looks and confusion."ALSO IN THE NEWS:If the main purpose of a political party is to run candidates for office, former Libertarian Party of Virginia Chairwoman Holly Ward says it felt like a “violation” to keep taking people’s money.“It’s clear that we can’t function,” Ward said in an interview as she explained why the party is dissolving as a corporation and giving back the nearly $30,000 it had in the bank.Ward provided documents showing the party had dissolved its corporate entity registered in Virginia, but other Libertarians have been questioning the legitimacy of the move and insisting the party will live on.In an emailed statement, Angela McArdle, the chair of the National Libertarian Committee, said that, as of Tuesday evening, the national body “does not acknowledge that a disaffiliation has taken place and we are waiting on the members of the Libertarian Party of Virginia to issue a statement on the matter.”“As far as I can tell, the alleged disaffiliation and resolution of the Libertarian Party of Virginia are the actions of a small group of rogue individuals who exploited their positions of power and moved to disaffiliate with no regard for the other members of the party or the bylaws of their organization,” McArdle said.Ward, a 36-year-old Northern Virginia resident who works in tech, said the disarray over the Libertarians’ status in Virginia is part of a bigger battle over the national party’s tone and focus. The resolution to dissolve the state party, which Ward says was approved Sunday in a 7-6-1 vote by the party’s central committee, said the national party has become “functionally indistinct from other alt-right parties and movements.”Those “destructive” ideas, the resolution said, include “endorsing thinly-veiled antisemitism, explicitly welcoming bigotry into the party, reversing the LP’s 50-year legacy of support for LGBTQ+ rights, and openly denouncing women’s suffrage, the civil rights act, and democracy itself.”Ward attributed those trends to a Libertarian faction called the Mises Caucus, which she said is taking over the party apparatus and discouraging Libertarian candidates from running in swing states where they could hurt Republican votes and tilt the outcome toward Democrats.Ward pointed to several social media posts as examples of the types of messages she opposed, including posts from the national party “Social justice is a Marxist lie created to bully and divide the American people,” democracy as “mob rule that endangers individual rights” and to the AP Stylebook suggesting the pronoun “she” could no longer be used “since we don’t know what a woman is anymore.” She also pointed to a deleted Martin Luther King Jr. Day Twitter post by the Libertarian Party of New Hampshire, an account the national party , that said “America isn’t in debt to black people, if anything it’s the other way around.” Another post from the New Hampshire account said “6 million dollar minimum wage or you’re antisemitic,” which .“Obviously I don’t support any of these messages,” Ward said. “It’s bigoted. It’s absolutely repugnant.”Asked about the criticisms of the national party, McArdle said those sentiments came from “the same group of rogue actors” and may not reflect the views of all Virginia Libertarians.Libertarians don’t have a major presence in Virginia’s elected offices, but they used to have at least some heft in state politics.In 2013, Libertarian Robert Sarvis earned more than 145,000 votes while running to be Virginia’s governor, more than the difference between the winner, former Democratic Gov. Terry McAuliffe, and the loser, former Republican Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli. Around that time, the party was involved in a handful of lawsuits challenging Virginia’s strict ballot access laws, which many Libertarians feel are designed to make it difficult for any alternative movement to break through and compete with the two dominant parties.The party has faded in relevance since, running no candidates in recent statewide elections and having little discernible impact on state policy debates. A similar entity could re-emerge in some other form, but the new troubles raise serious questions about the viability of what was once Virginia’s highest-profile third party.The Libertarians didn’t have a candidate in last year’s gubernatorial race, but the party to avoid confusion with the Liberation Party, a third-party effort spearheaded by anti-police brutality activist Princess Blanding.Online records from Virginia’s State Corporation Commission show the state Libertarian Party’s nonstock corporation is in the process of dissolving, and the party’s website has already been taken down. But there appears to be a power struggle underway over whether the party is or isn’t calling it quits.Daniel John, the state party’s secretary, emailed the Virginia Department of Elections Sunday night saying “a few members of the organization acted inappropriately” by attempting to dissolve the party “against the wishes of the body and its bylaws.”“Due to their choices, they have constructively resigned,” John wrote. “The rest of our board members and I will continue on with business as normal.”John didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment, nor did the national Libertarian Party.A new Twitter account ostensibly representing Virginia Libertarians appeared Sunday and also cast doubt on the validity of the dissolution vote. And local Libertarian chapters around the state have been chiming in to say the party’s staying put.“The Libertarian Party of Virginia attempted to dissolve through a childish coup that violated multiple procedures,” .A spokesman for the Department of Elections said that, as of Monday, the Libertarian Party of Virginia’s PAC was still considered active and there had been no formal communication apart from John’s email. According to its most recent campaign finance report, the PAC took in a little more than $6,100 between January and March and had $26,984 on hand as of March 31.Ward, the party’s former chair, said she didn’t think any notification to state election officials was necessary, because Virginia only treats Democrats and Republicans as officially recognized political parties. A party must have received at least 10% of the vote in one of the last two statewide elections to be recognized to qualify as a political party.If a different group wants to try to reincorporate a new Libertarian Party of Virginia, Ward said, they’re welcome to do so. But she questioned what the point would be since the party doesn’t have candidates to support.“We couldn’t run anybody,” Ward said. “No one’s even willing to put their names behind this.”is part of States Newsroom, a network of news bureaus supported by grants and a coalition of donors as a 501c(3) public charity. Virginia Mercury maintains editorial independence. Contact Editor Sarah Vogelsong for questions: . Follow Virginia Mercury on and .On Tuesday's edition of MSNBC's "Deadline: White House," former U.S. Attorney Geoffrey Berman discussed a key moment from his , "Holding the Line: Inside the Nation's Preeminent US Attorney's Office and Its Battle with the Trump Justice Department."Specifically, Berman zeroed in on Barr's role in the , in which former President Donald Trump ordered both Barr and his predecessor Matt Whitaker to intervene on behalf of Turkish President Recep Erdoğan to avoid punishment for dodging sanctions on a state-owned bank — with potentially disastrous implications for foreign policy negotiations elsewhere."You write this: 'The DOJ is not supposed to operate according to the president's impulses, personal relationships and business interests. Whatever factors were at play with Halkbank, they flowed from Trump and through Whitaker and then Barr through various high-placed DOJ officials and came to me. As attorney general, Barr should have stood in the way of interference and he should say, no, that is not how justice works in America. Instead, every indication is that he was open to it. He was looking for clever and visible ways to let Trump undermine our rule of law on behalf of a foreign head of state,'" said anchor Nicolle Wallace. "Explain who that foreign state bank was and what the bank is.""So Turkey owns 51 percent of Halkbank, so for all intents and purposes, it is a state bank," said Berman. "And we were looking into — we had already gotten convictions against officers of Halkbank for sanctions evasion, in advantage of Iran sanctions.""A priority for Trump, right," said Wallace.RELATED: "Exactly," said Berman. "And at the time, that is when the government was trying to put maximum pressure on Iran to bring them to the table to get the best deal possible. And here is Halkbank funneling money to the Iranians. So, it really undermined a huge diplomatic effort by the United States. And we were — we had already gotten a guilty verdict against a bank official and we turned our attention to the bank and we were looking at criminal charges against the bank and this is where, you know, my conflict with Barr became, I think, the most intense ... because Barr wanted to pursue what he called a 'global settlement' which was not only a sweetheart deal for the bank, but letting — giving non-prosecution agreements for all of the other individuals who were involved and part of our investigation."Watch below or at this link.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Copyright © 2022 Raw Story Media, Inc. PO Box 21050, Washington, D.C. 20009 | | | For corrections or concerns, please email corrections@rawstory.com. | {{ post.roar_specific_data.api_data.analytics }}

--Stephen Colbert said that for a moment he was hoping there would be a sex tape of Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), but he said that he would have to carve his eyes out with a grapefruit spoon. Beginning with the news about the end to the Afghan War, Colbert noted that it's gone, the war is so old, that it's too old to date Matt Gaetz. The host began his segment "Gaetz-Gaete" by mocking the suburban Orlando gated communities Gaetz would have the infamous parties. "Is Matt Gaetz a congressman or a high school senior?" asked Colbert. "You gotta come to my house after prom! Mark's brother got us the...

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The Raw Story (also stylized as RawStory) is an American online tabloid founded in 2004 by John K. Byrne. It covers current national and international political events and publishes its own editorials which tend to advocate for progressive positions. The Raw Story is a news site, bringing attention to stories that it sees as downplayed or ignored by other media outlets.

Colbert: The Afghanistan war is so old it can't even date Matt Gaetz

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