Name: We're currently living in a one-party state, and it's called Lockdown
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We're currently living in a one-party state, and it's called Lockdown

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The role of Health Secretary – especially a Conservative one – can be thankless. Presiding over a system in eternal crisis, he or she must suffer the slings and arrows of shouty interviews with junior doctors and endless Guardian think-pieces accusing them of conspiring to privatise the NHS.Universal unpopularity in such circumstances seems inevitable, failure guaranteed.No wonder , when appointed to the role by Tony Blair, reportedly uttered the immortal words “Oh f***. Not health!"So who among us can really blame Matt Hancock for jumping at the chance to seize Absolute Power? However, he is not a natural dictator,&nbsp;as I saw on Thursday.&nbsp;Standing at the despatch box, the Health Secretary seemed strangely indecisive. His delivery veered wildly from serious to faux-jovial; marooned halfway between Stalin and Mr Bean as he attempted to offset grim news with optimism.“We are seeing some concerning trends," he noted, indicating the rise in the number of positive cases. “These are not measures we take lightly," he added, expanding on the latest government guidance on socialising.“The '’ made a reappearance, with its echoes of Christie and Conan Doyle; Hancock Holmes on the case (or was it the Grinch?) , confounding teenagers’ contraband snogs in the park.Amid the gloom, glad tidings for the : “If a single household or support bubble is larger than six, they can still gather," Mr Hancock conceded.To larger families fretting about their continued existence, fear not – you do not have to abandon that unlucky fifth child, reminiscent of a weepy Thomas Hardy novel or tale from the Brothers Grimm.The Health Secretary grew especially animated on the topic of “”, the latest cutting edge, world-beating, albeit not-quite-ready-yet&nbsp; programme - this time for mass testing. At an estimated cost of £100 billion, it would be one small step for Matt, a giant leap for the Exchequer.&nbsp;“Workplaces could be opened up to all those who test negative that morning,” he said. “Anyone quarantining after travelling abroad could be tested and released. We are piloting that right now, and verifying the new technology”.Yet suddenly – disastrously – MPs began to snigger. Quite apart from the Government’s ongoing logistical struggles, there is something innately funny about the name “Operation Moonshot”. It does not inspire confidence, suggesting "Longshot" or even “Shot in the Dark”.&nbsp;Shadow health secretary Jonathan Ashworth kicked off with some customary Year-7 mudslinging, noting that some fact-checking boffins had debunked one of Hancock’s claims from their last exchange.“FullFact said I was right, and he was wrong," he crowed, brandishing a piece of paper triumphantly. Then came the multi-billion pound question: “How on earth does he expect to deliver this Moonshot?”&nbsp;“I think the shadow minister was rather better when he was supporting the Government action in the first part of his statement," replied Hancock, to clubbable guffaws from the Tory benches. I, too, prefer my mum when she’s not haranguing me to drink less and exercise more, but we don’t always get what we want in life, Matt.&nbsp;Though weak, Hancock’s answer reflects an important point. Save a couple of interventions on the curtailment of civil liberties from the Tory benches, few questioned the broader strategy. Ashworth, for instance, mentioned , before promptly welcoming every one of the latest mental-health-sapping restrictions.One Bolton MP lamented the flagging mental health of her constituents, now forced into city-wide curfew. Yet her only demand was greater compensation for those unable to work.&nbsp;Surely the Liberal Democrats would kick up about the imposition of illiberal restrictions without parliamentary oversight? Munira Wilson of Twickenham proved a sad disappointment on this score.“Organised sport is exempt from the regulations," she noted disapprovingly. “We all want life to return to normal, including sport. But, as things stand," she said, proving the old adage that everything before the word 'but' is meaningless, “20,000 spectators are currently scheduled to travel to Twickenham to watch the Rugby international.”The Health Secretary hastily reassured Wilson that the decision was “under review”.&nbsp;Some insist Hancock is simply too baby-faced to be taken seriously as overlord, and I sympathise.But what if tyranny in the 21st century did just happen to have the face of Tintin? For all the&nbsp;bluster, we are living in a one-party state, and the party is Lockdown.&nbsp;Related TopicsThe Telegraph values your comments but kindly requests all posts are on topic, constructive and respectful. Please review our.You need to be a subscriber to join the conversation. Find out more.Show commentsAdvertisementRelated TopicsWe rely on advertising to help fund our award-winning journalism.We urge you to turn off your ad blocker for The Telegraph website so that you can continue to access our quality content in the future.Thank you for your support.Need help?Visit ourpage.Close

The role of Health Secretary – especially a Conservative one – can be thankless. Presiding over a system in eternal crisis, he or she must suffer the slings and arrows of shouty interviews with junior doctors and endless Guardian think-pieces accusing them of conspiring to privatise the NHS.Universal unpopularity in such circumstances seems inevitable, failure guaranteed.No wonder , when appointed to the role by Tony Blair, reportedly uttered the immortal words “Oh f***. Not health!"So who among us can really blame Matt Hancock for jumping at the chance to seize Absolute Power? However, he...

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Madeline Grant

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We're currently living in a one-party state, and it's called Lockdown

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